Courageous Daughter Fights To Protect Aging Dad From Financial Abuse
Robin is a middle aged working person who has a 98 year old father in declining health. He’s in a nursing home. She’s the one he appointed to take over for him as his appointed successor on this legal paperwork. She has a brother who has always been close to their Dad, but he has always been a moocher too. Drug problems, doesn’t have a steady job, all that. Nevertheless, Robin pays for her brother’s plane fare to come and visit Dad every few months. Dad enjoys seeing his only son.
But recently, she began to suspect her brother was up to no good. And her suspicions were confirmed when her Dad’s financial advisor called her to tell her that her brother had brought Dad into the advisor’s office and asked for a large withdrawal from his cash account. The advisor gave Dad the cashier’s check, even knowing that his long time client was clearly forgetful and probably had dementia. He called Robin to let her know what had happened. He said he had to do what his client told him to do, but he knew that Robin’s brother was manipulating Dad into asking for the cash.
Robin needed advice. When we spoke and she told me the situation, I asked her if her father did have dementia. “Yes,” she said, but no one has said he is no longer competent to handle his money.” I looked at the family trust. In it the conditions for her to take over the family trust, which had the cash management account in it, were spelled out. Two doctors had to see her Dad and state in writing that he was no longer capable of handling his affairs. I urged her to get the letters immediately and in the meantime, to let the financial advisor know that her father was impaired and should not be participating in any financial transactions, including withdrawals.
Robin flew out to see her Dad and got the doctor’s appointments and the necessary letters. She got those to her father’s estate attorney who then provided the certificate making Robin the person in charge (successor trustee). She immediately sent those letters and the certificate to the financial advisor, with the instructions I suggested to not allow Dad to make any withdrawals or take any actions on his account. They dragged their feet. Another withdrawal from Dad’s account occurred. After some time passed, and the financial institution eventually stopped Dad from taking more money out, Robin now had to deal with her manipulative brother. He’s a menacing sort and she’s afraid of him.
She let him know that there would be no more taking money from Dad. Predictably, he got incensed and began a series of nasty, threatening emails to Robin. She was intimidated by him but she stood her ground. His angry emails continued. She learned not to respond to them and began to deal with her brother only in a very limited and business-like way. I advised her to allow her brother to visit Dad but only with supervision of a care manager. He is still raging about that. It was his plan to try to take Dad to a different lawyer and get himself put in charge of all of Dad’s finances. Robin has been able to stop him.
Unfortunately, this kind of family financial manipulation of an elder is all too common. The elder with dementia or even “mild” cognitive impairment is not capable of the judgment needed to see that he is being abused. The takeaway from this story is that the daughter, even in the face of threats and angry contact from her brother, was able to stop financial abuse before her brother emptied their father’s account. She needed guidance and support to get it done but she did it. Threats and intimidation are favorite tactics of abusers. She is a woman of courage in keeping her Dad’s finances safe.
